Autobiographical Exaggerations

I'm awesome. Sometimes, I stare in the mirror for days at a time. Most people in Canada would pay me for oral sex. I'm 7' tall, and shoot fire balls from my eyes. People worship me. I think consensual sex is overrated. Rape me. I'm a time traveler. Atlantis was nice, but there was no cell service. I was Mary's pimp. Bitch still owes me $40 for hookin' her up with that angel. Moby Dick was a coke habit. I caught the dragon once, but I was too high to hold on to it. Does this bulimia make me look skinny? I'm pansexual. I once got it on with a one legged transsexual prostitute named Steve. I gave him/her crabs. My other car is a donkey show. You can sit shotgun if you'd like. I sell radioactive toothpaste in my spare time.

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Music

The Faint, The Mars Volta, Voltaire, Deep Puddle Dynamics, She Wants Revenge, Io Echo, others.

Movies

The Rules of Attraction, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, Doom Generation, Contact, London, Shoot 'Em Up, others.

Books

The Sword of Truth, The Wheel of Time, The Dark Tower, The Coldfire Trilogy, The Gospel of The Flying Spaghetti Monster, others.

Hobbies

M:tG, Rifts, concert going, learning guitar, flirting, others.

Pizza Toppings

Pepperoni, spicy Italian sausage, mushrooms, extra cheese, regular sausage, bacon, others.

Employment

Retail Resources, Inc. We build shit.

Drugs

Caffeine, tobacco, marijuana, cocaine, alcohol, ibuprofen, adrenaline, women, others.

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My Music