VIRB

*** MAY BE SOME SPOILERS AHEAD ***

Quick story summary: A boy finds out he holds the key to finding a powerful cube, which is called the Allspark. Robots have come to Earth in search of this cube. The good robots want to keep it away from the bad robots. Chaos ensues.

I don't have the heart to tell my friends...

Transformers was an okay movie. That's it - just okay. I think in their minds it's something more grand.

But...

For one, the jokes were terrible. There were times when I was actually expecting the sound bit for bad jokes (i.e. drummed "da-dum tssst" or a "wah wah waaaah"). The actors could have looked at the camera and winked - I wouldn't have been surprised. When they missed, they really missed. Of course, it didn't help that I was beside the loudest guy in the theater (total truth), who laughed at EVERY joke... and everytime they showed the dog, Mojo. Not all the jokes were bad, just the ones in the entire first half pretty much. It got slightly better after that. A few of the jokes were just stereotypical jabs that left a bad taste in my mouth. The rest were just corny. At times, that was a trap that the dialog also seemed to fall into (i.e. "Bring the rain!").

The storyline was really just an excuse for robots to get together and fight. Face it - you can cut it sideways and frontways, left and right, but the storyline, or what they want to call a storyline, is really paper thin. How the hell did such an important thing, namely the Allspark, end up floating around in space again? The love story seems a bit shoved in there as well, along with the whole secrecy of Sector 7, which served no purpose. You can easily rewrite the movie without Sector 7 in the plot. And I think even some characters could have been left out. Why again did we need those "code-crackers"? Oh yeah, to fill in some of the movie run time I think.

Some scenes seemed a bit too long and could have easily been omitted, such as the part at the house where they were looking for a vital clue to the location of the cube. Everyone was being clumsy and silly in that scene, which was kind of funny for a minute or two. After that minute or two, they really should have ended that part. Seems they were coaxing the laughs out of the audience since the jokes were so bad earlier on.

On the plus side...

Yes, I agree with everyone that the special effects kicked ass. That's where this movie surpasses most others. Some scenes, in my opinion, were a bit too "busy" though. It was hard to understand what was going on during maybe one or two fights. Granted it still looked good, just wish I knew what I was looking at. The bullet-time, slo-mo stuff was well-implemented. Also, I love how they made humans look useful in the battles. The human interaction gave it a great sense of scale, all while keeping their sense of purpose. Loved it. Robots + humans = winning team. The gorgeous action sequences are definitely the bread and butter of this movie. They're simply mind-blowing.

The fan service scattered throughout was really cool. Lots of little "tips of the hat" to veteran Transformer followers came in the forms of classic lines and use of an original character design (i.e. when they introduced Bumblebee). As someone who grew up watching Generation 1 when it first aired, I can truly appreciate that. Thanks Mr. Bay and Mr. Spielberg!

So overall...

It's a decent action flick with incredible action sequences, a plot as thin as water, and jokes that reek. Sure I'm just being an old grump, but I'm an old grump who sees past all the fluff. Judging it for what it is, and not because of the name: it was a fun movie, but that's all it was. Nothing grand about it except the battles and special effects. And if that's all it takes to make a great movie, then this qualifies. But in reality...

Verdict: See it for fun, but don't expect anything epic (except the last 10-20 minutes - holy jackalopes, that was sweet)

I already have a favorite Transformers movie... and it's cel animated.