VIRB

The numbers on the clock burn brightly, it is 5am and we pan out to see our heroine (yours truly) rolling frazzled out of bed...

I awoke this morning a true fuckhead. Bleary eyed and whacked out of my mind on heavy duty cough syrup, vicks vapo rub, and some sinus meds -(or other pill that labels told me it was okay to take)- I wobbled my way through the black abyss that is my living room and into the kitchen. The moment my feet touched the stick on linoleum flooring of that food ridden room...it hit me...I was hungry.

I sheepishly opened the door to the refridgerator and pulled out some things and began to fix myself a sandwhich. Delirious with the joy of breakfast and half function brain I took a seat at my kitchen table and decided to eat my sandwhich. At that moment I realized Ihad no drink. So, I lifted my fat arse from it's chair and grabbed myself a bottle of something from the fridge and once again contemplated my breakfast.

I opened the bottle and took a swig of what, from its lack of flavor, seemed to be water and I was moderatly pleased at not accidentally drinking soy sauce -(again)- I then lifted my sanwhich to my lips and took a generous bite and thus these words flooded both mind and mouth...

"GOOD GOD, WHAT FRESH HELL IS THIS?!?!?!?!?"

It turns out, dear readers, that in this early morning daze I, little miss sickie vickie, had made for myself a peanut butter, pickle, and sour cream sandwhich on kosher rye.

I quickly trashed the clearly satanic sanswhich and with it all hopes of breakfast and stumbled, all the sicker and more awake, back to my room where I sit now writing to you this advice...

Should you ever be in a daze from medication, lack of sleep, or anything for that matter do not, I repeat do not, attempt to make a meal in the dark. For it may well be the demise of you and the most important meal of your day.