I'd Turn Over A New Leaf If There Was A Banana Split Under It
post a comment | posted Sep 10
So far so good on the first day of pretending to be healthy. See update.
This morning I decided to do a round of aggressive walk/running, which went well considering that I hate
exercise more than I hate zombies eating me. I recently had this conversation with my best friend, Battlegate, where we wondered what this famed "runner's high" or "good feeling" was after physically pushing one's limits. Both of us feel shaky, headachy and nauseated. After 30 minutes of keeping myself moving by pretending that A) there was a key lime pie floating in front of me and B) there were sharks behind me, I felt like shit. I drank a gallon of water, tried to wash the poison-saturated sweat from my body and then meekly ate a bowl of 10-grain hot cereal with added ground flax. I wish I were joking. Actually, the cereal was pretty tasty.
The other reason I don't exercise is that afterwards I look I was hit by a solar flare. Mind you, I'm not all that
self-conscious on a daily basis (or rather, I'm just so damn lazy that when I look like crap I have a brief moment of motivation to change, which is then immediately replaced with motivation to play my Nintendo DS), but the sheer greasy, blotchy redness of my physical appearance startles passersby so much that I tend to duck my head and hope they don't try to call an ambulance for me. Any slight blemish I have turns a lurid crimson. My eyebrows get all wild. I smell like a zookeeper. Purple veins on my legs bulge and threaten to blow. Essentially, I appear to be running straight out of Chernobyl.
Well. I have to go steam some fish now. And then poach a donut in popcorn butter.
UPDATE: I just cooked one of the worst dinners since I was a teenager. Everything I cooked was fundamentally wrong : the brown rice was too wet, the roasted vegetables were too dry, and the fish was tasteless (braised in soy and ginger!) while being tough and textureless at the same time. We both doused the whole plate in chili sauce and ate without chewing. Additionally, earlier today I boiled some eggs and when I sliced one open to include in Hal's lunch I discovered it was soft boiled. What? How the fuck does that happen?! I usually can't even make a soft boiled egg when I want one.