VIRB

Got voice mail fright when you pick up the phone? Never fear... here's a few tips for leaving your comments for The Paintchip Philosophy Hour.

First: SPEAK CLEARLY. I want to be able to understand what you say. If I can't, I am likely to make fun of you. So speak up and speak english. Moving on.

Second: leave your name and hometown. Unless you wish to remain anonymous... just know if you don't leave a name, I might make one up for you. [Also, I do have caller ID, so if you're making death threats or talking about breaking laws, there are ways of finding you... See below for privacy notification on Caller ID uses.]

Third: if you're calling about a topic, try to comment on one topic per voicemail. You can always call back to comment on another topic when you're done. The time cut-off for comments is 3 minutes, so if you're telling a story, keep it short. I wouldn't want your priceless comment cut off mid-sentence.

Fourth: feel free to be yourself. I'm not gonna be you, so don't ask.

Fifth: you don't have to stick to the topics mentioned. If you feel like leaving a funny saying or telling me about your bowel movements or how much you love flying kites or how badly the new Rob Schneider movie sucks... well, go ahead. I might use it, I might not. Have fun with it though, and if I find it funny too, I might add it.

Sixth: got a topic you'd like to see discussed on an upcoming show? Speak up and maybe we'll get to it.

NOTICE: ALL PHONE CALLS AND COMMENTS SUBMITTED ARE CONSIDERED PROPERTY OF STEPHEN H AND THE PAINTCHIP PHILOSOPHY HOUR, AND YOU GIVE ME FULL LICENSE TO USE IT WITHOUT PAYMENT OF ROYALTY OF ANY KIND TO YOU PERSONALLY. SO DON'T ASK. ALSO, I DON'T INTEND TO, BUT I RESERVE THE RIGHT TO EDIT YOUR COMMENTS TO MAKE YOU SAY WHATEVER I WANT YOU TO SAY. SO BE AWARE OF THAT TOO. [Again, I probably won't, I'm just covering bases here.]

Feel like submitting a topic idea? Go ahead, just keep in mind that by emailing/calling it in you give license to use your call and idea with or without any credit or payment of any kind.

FINALLY: AS ALL RECORDED CALLS ARE SUBJECT TO AUTOMATIC CALLER IDENTIFICATION, YOU ARE HEREBY NOTIFIED THAT RECORDS OF YOUR CALL/PHONE NUMBER IS ONLY RETAINED SHOULD THERE BE A LEGAL NEED TO CONTACT THE CALLER, AND IS NOT SHARED WITH OR SOLD TO ANY THIRD PARTY, AND REASONABLE EFFORTS WILL BE MADE TO KEEP SUCH INFORMATION SECURE. CALLER ID INFORMATION MAY BE SHARED WITH LOCAL AND/OR FEDERAL LAW ENFORCEMENT PERSONNEL IN THE EVENT WE SUSPECT EVIDENCE OF CRIMINAL ACTIVITY.

That about sums it up. Have fun out there, kids.
-s h