The History of The Universe Existing Within the Temple of My Temples

(speaks in 3rd person narrator's voice)
Ahem!
Michael Freund is a dude. The Dude of Dudes, in fact. But does anyone realize this? Does anyone concede this scientific fact? Noooooo! They're all about Teddy Geiger and James Blunt!! (waves hand dissmissively) Pshhh! Amateurs. Mike Freund is where it's at! He's all that and a bag o' chips, as you hip wippersnappers say.
Anyways, all bitterness aside, Mike is a musical anti-prodigy. At age 8, he got into punk music (Black Flag, Ghoti Hook, Dogwood, The Ramones...). At age 9, he took piano lessons. ''Where did he take them to?'', all you drooling corporate record company stooges who are looking for the next possible big thing to exploit must be asking. Well, not much of anywhere. (the stooges skedaddle faster than cockroaches when you turn on the lights) He pretty much goofed off during all his lessons, and practiced only once a week between those lessons. But his teacher was a saint of a lady who was determined not to let him fail, because she saw something in this unruly little spaz. Although his hands sifted about the keys with all the dexterousity of two bulls slam-dancing in a china shop, she noticed that he had a natural knack for recognizing pitches and stringing them together into potent little chains of melody. And so she made it her supreme duty to teach this kid how to rock the ivory.
...but unfortunately he moved far away from her and never took piano lessons again.
However, this is not the end. Before he moved, the kid picked up a guitar and started strummin'. It was not a pretty sound. But it was loud! And it was wild!! And it was... silly!!! He began writing songs consisting of chords he hardly knew, using strumming patterns that really didn't have much of a pattern. It was fast and folksy and dumb, something like a cross between old d-beat hardcore punk and Johnny Cash, if he were a grinning Dadaist arrayed in multicolor paisley. On Ol' Maude (his trusty acoustic), he wrote his first whole song, ''Little Green Elves Stole My Homework''. And from there, he wrote an album-full of songs, which he recorded on a couple of old tape players. What was spawned is known as ''The Boveregard Demos'', about an hour of pure squalling acoustic cacaphony that doesn't exist anymore (it was destroyed in a terrible ''accident'').
A year later, the kid got his first electric; an Epiphone Les Paul Jr. Player Pack, a real beaut. It came with a teenie little amp with huge lungs, and a tuner (that he refused to use since he could tune by ear cuz he's not cheap!). And with this junk, the kid started churning out the hits. Now officially under the name Boveregard, he created an entire movement from this strange noise. Only, the movement didn't go much of anywhere. It sorta stayed in his room, echoing off the corners and the shut door. He was a loner, so the songs only proliferated without anyone hearing them. Good thing too! Your brains would melt right outta your head if any of you heard this sonic rubbish!
Pretty soon, he had more than 20 albums under his belt. He went through zillions of name changes, from Boveregard to Psychotic Purple to StiKKer to Me vs. The World to Zero to Dordopheck to Soul Goblin and back to StiKKer. His record label also went through strenuous name changes (and I will strenuously list them for your reading agony), from MyRoom Records to Boveregard Records to (nothing) Records to Nihil Records to Thurzday Records to Left-headed Records to Nihilistic Splurge Records.
And so, to make a long story a little less long, he made more albums, refined his style, got new guitars, started incorporating some synths in his work, got a 4-track digital recording studio, made MORE albums, and here I am today.
Now the music defies genres because there is simply no genre terrible enough. It's more overwrought than the most pompous opera songs, more grating than the most schmaltzy emo songs, more lo-fi and experimental than any indie hipster ever dared to be, all with worse vocals than any 80's punk band that ever set out to make a racket. Add in a slice of absurdist sensibilities mixed with Dadaism, and you've got what I call ''skewerpop''. Actually, I'm pretty ashamed of it and I'm working on actually composing some real songs (since all of them I've ever recorded are entirely improvised) and actually learning how to sing. I also have a 16-track Fostex now, so it shouldn't sound like sonic rubbish anymore. Although, that makes a pretty good name for a new genre...
At any rate, long live skewerpop!
That is my story, I'm stickin' to it. And for anyone else who stuck to it 'til now, congratulations!! You are very patient.
So yeah. Bye.
Oh wait, if you want some music, just ask and I'll give it to you I guess.

Dordophecks - see all 28

Circumlocution - see all 1

Does anyone freakin' know who I am?! Mar 15

Sometimes I just wanna open up my window and yell cusswords at the dordophecks walking past my dorm. I wanna ask them if they know who I am, and what I'm gonna do for the world someday. Cuz I think if they really knew who I was, they'd stop and ask me to give them pointers...

Groups - see all 28

The hooligans responsible for this racket: - see all 1

• Mike Freund - Vocals, guitars, synths, percussion, awww shucks! I do everything around here.

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Records of My Lunacy - see all 5

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  Hallelujah; It's Rainin' Meat (SimperMonger demo's)

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  Some Lame Demo's

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  Down the Path of Iniquity Ep

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  The Inconsistent Smattering Ep

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  ''Don't Worry, I'm Not Gonna Sing Cuz These Are Instrumentals.'' Ep

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