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Wuti's
Shoutbox - 15 comments
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Minion says:
hello.... drunk again. qualified to write if i can. it's late, i should be in bed. i have a huge to do list for this weekend. is that normal? i'm so confused. i think i need to take a day and collect my thoughts, but there is no such thing... too many responsiblities. You know, i've been depressed - but i feel like I'm shaking it. anyhoo... my life is really not that bad, i don't know why i freak out so much. when is life good enough. when? I want to enjoy myself,, my kids, my life. I don't want to worry anymore. Please God, take away the worry... I think I'm a good girl, I've saved enough people in this pathetic world. My friend Jenny who recently died say, I love you Christine... you make bad things good and good things even gooder. If i am nothing else in my life.... i don't think i've grieved properly. I know she doesn't want me sad, but it's hard. She said she'd come tell me about the afterlife. I waiting to hear what it's all about. Ok, well... I'm going to bed because I have to take some stranger to work in the morning. No worries, he's my boyfriend's friend Not someone I picked up. I'm too old for that I guess. :)
posted Oct 13
Minion says:
Wow... it's been awhile. I'm sure I won't be able to write as much as I'd like. I have so much I'd like to write. I've lost my friend/mentor, another friend just recently moved away, I don't want to shower or get out of bed, life seem so hard right now and I really don't understand why. Any one who has ever experienced depression can relate to the dark feeling that overtakes you. It swallows you, and there's nothing you can do to loosen it's grip. I put on a good act. I'm convinced no one knows how bad it is, other than Dan but he doesn't get it. He thinks it's a bunch of shit. Funny. I so wish it was a bunch of shit. I so wish I didn't think about where to hang the noose -- I found the perfect spot. Oops, that's classified information. Now people will be weird. Things haven't changed, I've always thought about the noose. My doctor says I do that to change thoughts because either I'm bored or I don't want to think anymore about what I'm thinking about. If that makes any sense. I told him I'd call him when I'm on the bridge ready to jump. He laughed. He says I better be up there trying to push someone off and then he'd tell the police it was for medical reasons. I'm not crazy, I'm just a very depressed individual. I hate it. I often wonder when it will be good enough. When will I stop beating myself up and just learn to appreciate the world around me. It sounds so easy, but it's not. Not for me anyway. I want it all. I want to be the best. Well, maybe not the best but I don't way to be questioned about my ability. I want people to appreciate what I have to offer. I want to feel like I really matter. Like my opinion really means something. I want to be a voice that's heard and not just disregarded as another dumb opinion. I want so much more than I am capable of when I'm down in the dumps. SAVE ME FROM THE NOTHING I'VE BECOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
posted Sep 26
Comment replies (1)
Randal says:
To Quote the Prophet Stiv
"Ain't it fun when you're taking care of number one
Ain't it fun when you feel like you just gotta get a gun
Ain't it fun when you j.j.j. just can't seem to find your tongue
Cause you stuck it to deep into something that really stung
It's such fun"
You should stop by the dark side of the office sometime, I'll turn the lights on if it helps
I am the great and powerful OZ
posted Sep 29
Minion says:
Hoooray, I've been drinking and I qualify to write. Hooooooooray! Honestly, I'm glad because I hope I can say everything I want to say and not think about who's going to read it and just let it all out. I'm holding back. It's kind of unlike me, but for some reason, sometimes I just don't feel comfortable. I'm pretty sure it's all in my head, but sometimes I really wonder. Like, are they being honest. They as in everyone... my kids, my dumb boyfriend, my boss, my father. GOD! Sometimes I wonder if people just tell you what you want to hear so you shut the fuck up.
Ok... so here I sit. Yep, I'm alone by myself on a Friday night. I'm drinking, listening to music and having a fire. Yep, ALL BY MYSELF. I feel like a loser. Not because I'm by myself, I'm enjoying it actually. But, because if I wanted to invite someone over, ah... why don't I have any friends??? My friends are in Seattle, Rochester, St. Charles, somewhere in Wyoming. No one is even close enough to call and say, "hey, come over and have a beer." Boo. Maybe I'm a loser.
My biggest quark for the evening is my ex -- the father of my children. I want to skin him alive. Seriously. I dropped off the kids and in the driveway is this shiny new Jetta. The chic that he's living with has 3 kids, 17, 9 or 10 ish, and 7 ish. The youngest told me it was his new car when I asked her who's shiny car's in the driveway. So, I took the liberty to call him and ask him how the hell he thinks he can buy a new car when he hasn't paid daycare all summer. To fill in the gaps, I have 2 kids with him. He also has 2 from a marriage before me. So, yes, his total is 4 children. The older two are 11 and 13, so they don't need daycare. But the agreement I had with him was that he'd pay me child support and then we'd spilt daycare 1/2 and 1/2 because at that time, he would have been paying out his ass.
I'm not a vindictive person, however you spell it. I want him to be happy. Truth told, I want him happ...
posted Aug 4
Minion says:
I wish I had some friends to invite...
Ok, so I'm drinking. And yes, I'm alone. Does that really make me an alcoholic? Probably. But... I don't know what else to do. Eat, sleep, drink, walk the dog.... man, I hate being home alone. Sure, I have hobbies. I clean and ride my bike. That's it. I listen to music while I do it, so maybe that counts as another hobby. :)
posted Jul 10
Minion says:
"hey she's the girl who gets drunk and loses her lighter" -- ha, I found my lighter! God, I love work. It's the only place I can really can be myself. Ok, that's not true. I'm just feeling trapted right now. And I shouldn't, I'm the girl that lectures people for being in my stupid position. Ya, stupid. I said it. Everything is stupid in my world. Stupid world. I'm not bitter, please don't take it like that. It's just a stupid world and this is my stupid life. Stupid, stupid life. This is not my beautiful wife... DAMN! I'm so glad I came here... I needed some help. I'm a suicidal maniac,... kinda.... God help me....
posted Jun 14
Comment replies (2)
Minion says:
rambling.... i'm really not in the mood to write. my brain's going a million miles a minute, but typing seems difficult. i thought i'd pop the group's cherry.
so, what to talk about.... what to write about.... what to do... i guess i'll just let go. hold on to your hats kids.
right now i'm lying (laying?) on my bed. my boyfriend's next to me watching south park. you know, it would really be nice to be able to pick the program. i certainly wouldn't pick south park. we have like a billion channels, there's got to be something else on. my god, he owns the dvds of every stinking season.
phone call... back soon.
posted Jun 5
Pages: 1 (15 total comments)
Minion says:
Hello cruel world remember me???? I reallly, really want to write, but I've got to play a quick game of cribbage -- stay tuned!!!!!!!
posted Jan 15