VIRB

Now, I don't want to appear ungrateful. I have a pretty good life. But there are a few things that I like to reflect on, from time to time.
Like this.
>>I don't like my job. Again, I don't want to give off the wrong impression, but it's not for me. I knew going into it that it -- College Ministry -- wasn't my driving passion. And now, seven months on the other side of it, it's still not my passion, per se. I love college students, I have a passion for the college students around me, but I'm not Louie Giglio, I don't see universities and college campuses as my mission field. I enjoy getting paid to plan events for me and my peers, and even more I love getting paid to have fun at those events, but there are quite a few...kinks in the plan that sometimes don't bring me joy. In fact, if you read my previous post, they sometimes bring me the opposite.
>>I am single. I am 20 years old, and the last time I had anything resembling a girlfriend was almost a year and a half ago. Before then, I was in a practice of life of having a new girlfriend every few months. Now, I've been single, more or less, since January 2007 and have gone on three dates, and all three of them turned up nothing fruitful, long term. Now don't get me wrong, there was one instance when I enjoyed the company of another, but that didn't come to fruition quite like I dreamed. And don't get me wrong in the other direction, I enjoy the freedom of being single and freely forming and opining my own thoughts on girls and women (college is an awkward time for guys, I've discovered. Instead of guessing her age now, I look first to make sure she's not married), and enjoy even more not having to pay double for everything I do with my friends. But, I also enjoy the companionship of another, and there's something intangible for me about having the beauty of another count as part of my joy.
>>I don't really know what my plans are, post UMHB. I'm sure with my connections (I know this soungs arrogant as I am only 20, but believe me, I have connections even now) I could find work somewhere, I'm sure of it. But what am I going to do? What should I do? What "does God want me to do" (to borrow the popular dilema of my peers)? Both my parents have their Masters degrees, and my dad went back to seminary after that to earn his PhD. But is that for me? I don't know. To be honest, I don't really want to continue with school. To be honest, I want to quit for a while and enjoy "the real world." But should I? I don't really feel like going up the road to Truett, nor do I want to attend my father's alma matter, Southwestern in Ft. Worth. But for so many people my age and calling in life, it seems to be "the thing" to do. But on the flipside, if I stay away from grad school, do I go into the work force? Where? Like I said, I have connections, but I don't want to work in a secular work place, I want to work for a church. Now, that's not to say I wouldn't want to be bi-vocational, because I think that is a tremendous calling and I would love that. But I'm stuck at a job right now that can't and, more importantly, WON'T feed me after I graduate, much less if I have a family (although that's heavily dependent on my second, and previous point). Really, I'd love to go overseas and just stay there for a time. Spend a year, two years, five years in Morocco, Spain, Guatemala, Romania, France, Canada, Nicaragua, Mexico, somewhere not here. But is that where I'm going? I don't know.

Now, like I said at the beginning, I have a pretty good life right now. More specifically, this summer, June 2008. Most things are free, the family I'm staying with provides just about everything I need, and I could hardly ask for more accomodations. But this summer won't last forever, and I know that. I bear that thought in mind everyday when I wake up. This is great, but it won't last.
Believe me, I'm making the most of it now while it does last, but I'm also concerned for my future.
I am 20 years old, and I am worried about my future.
God, please here this.
God, please aid me.
Thank You, for EVERYTHING, including my job, my schooling, my celebacy and current bachelorism, and especially the Laughlins.
I love you.