More Fun Than A Barrel Full Of Infinite Monkeys

In an ungodly cacophony of howls, screeches, and clicks, an infinite number of Monkeys sit chained at an infinite number of typewriters. It is a fact that infinite monkeys at infinite typewriters will eventually produce every piece of literature ever written, translated in every language ever spoken.


Being monkeys though, many forgo typing and instead take to bashing the hell out of their typewriters with stones. Others simply use the inscrutable devices as toilets. But somewhere a Rhesus monkey is smearing feces on the copy of Hamlet he has produced.


Monkey # 7* 10^75 however, is diligently hashing out a copy of my memoirs. Unfortunately, monkey # 7*10^75 will not get to enjoy my memoirs, as he possesses no conception of written English. He can only pound on the typewriter with a mindless abandon that could only be achieved by a Sulawesi Crested Macaque.


At this very moment he is completing the chapter where I attend classes at a security guard training center in downtown Brooklyn, on the second floor of an old municipal building that reeks of urinal cakes and desperation. There, I befriend an Elvis impersonator with Down Syndrome named Jessie. This chapter is entitled, "Elbis."


In the next chapter I'm held-up in front of a deli by a mugger who's polite enough to leave me with just enough money to buy a veggie club sandwich.


If you want to know anything else about me, ask Monkey # 7* 10^75. Or send me a message. It's your call.

Dredged From the Unfathomable Depths of the Internets

Circus of Social Oddities - see all 35

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Mmmmm, Copper. Jul 29

Whenever I get really cold, like really really cold, for some reason I taste copper. It's more like electrified copper. As though I licked the top of a copper-plated 9 volt battery.

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Quotidian Delights

Immaturity, Stupidity and General tom-foolery, Photography, Irreverence, The Color Pink, Yellow is Great too, (Meta/Quantum/Astro)physics, Drunk People, Toy Sword Fighting, Juggling, Armchair Philosophy, Armchair Physics, Late Night Supermarkets , Day Dreams, Good Dreams, Naughty Dreams, Weird WTF was that dreams, Fluffy creatures, Convenient Good deeds, Vegetarians/vegans, Girls who wear glasses, Sleeping, Procrastinating, Running for the bus, Writing, The internets, underachievers, Expanding mind/understanting, Smart Girls, Pointless arguments, Crushes on women who are out of my league, Searching for the fifth dimension, Dorks, Nerds, Dweebs, The socially inept, Realizing things, Dogs, Cats who act like dogs, Really good music, Starry nights, Sharing a smile with a stranger for no apparent reason, Answering rhetorical questions, Tunes stuck so hard in my head they make me bop my head, Girls on bicycles, Cute professors, Receiving random acts of kindness Then paying if forward Neon, Friends, Family, Freckles.

Activities

Maintainin' biological homeostasis mostly.

Celluloid

American beauty, I'm Gonna Git You Sucka, The Pink Panther, The Sound of Music, Road to Perdition, Contact, The Wiz, K-PAX, Fight Club, What’s Up Tiger Lilly?, Requiem for a Dream, Pi, Blade Runner, The Naked Gun, The Matrix trilogy, Manhattan, Star Wars, I heart Huckabees, Vanilla Sky, Ghost in the Shell, Love Actually, Forbiden Planet, A Christmas Story, Stand by Me, Ninja Scroll, Akira, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Being John Malkovitch, The Departed, Magnolia, Borat, 40 year old virgin, Knocked up, Superbad.

Kinescopic

Late Night with Conan O'Brien, The Outer Limits, Big Ideas, Beavis and Butthead, anything on Discovery-sci channel, The Daily Show, Nova, The Twilight Zone (original seiries), Star Trek TNG, The Simpsons, Family Guy, Futurama, Gilmore Girls, Heroes, Lost.

Sinusoidal

My Itunes currently holds over 2000 tracks, and I love each one of them dearly.

Readin'

The Catcher in the Rye, A Brief History of Time, Johnny Got His Gun, In Search of Schrodenger's Cat, All's Quiet on the Western Front, Phantoms, Strangers, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Life the Universe and Everything, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe, Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them, America: a Citizen's Guide to Democracy Inaction, Timequake, Slaughterhouse Five, Cat's Cradle, Breakfast of Champions, Emergence, Sci-fi compilations. Heroes, Emergence, On Intelligence, The science of Science-fiction.