VIRB

the funny thing about living in the city is that you think, because you live in this metropolis, that you are part of something big.
it's as if you've got a part in a groundbreaking movie, or a poem that makes people cry.

poems have never made me cry, except for once.
it was a poem by e.e. cummings and i was in a ratty mood.
and the only thing that made me cry was because the peom made me realize how ratty i felt.
i hate that. i hate knowing that the truth is unpleasant. especially if it's about yourself.
then you have to look yourself in the face and accept that you suck.

i guess what's really going on in cities is a thousand seperate streams
that eventually become a big river,
but our parts really are only the streams.
it's hard to communicate to other streams, "flow this way, so we can control the river."
it's truthful to say because we all know we've tried it.

i think we all have visions of granduer at this age.
i sure do. i have them a lot. they're my favorite part about dreaming.
they're always about my husband and i,
and how we get to live in a house with a porch, and i get play sold-out shows
at concerts where everyone sits in the grass and sings along,
because they know all the words.
and then we walk back to our house with the porch
and i hold his hand and we're both pretty happy.

and then i remember that i live with my parents,
i'm still in school and the only time where i feel that particular shade of happiness
is when i'm walking around downtown by myself with a song in my head,
which i guess brings us full circle back to the topic of the city.

we're all trying to live a dream, aren't we?