VIRB

Damien Rice belts out his soul to me in my earphones. I'm trying to drown out the two girls next to me on the old brown velvet couch. Though the old creaky door in front of me continues to screech through my music each time someone walks into the old coffee house.

I deleted all of your emails today. I admit that I saved them all. Stalkerish, I know.
But on days that I was lonely, or I needed a smile I would make my way to the old file and re-read them.

It was time for me to move on. It's time for me to quit living in the past, and to be present in the now. I've learned that I've been lying to myself all along. A small lie can do a lot to a heart.

It hit me that all of this mess is in my mind, my foolish and sinful mind that gets me in trouble. I'm through with it.

It will be hard.

Everything does remind me of you. You are in my music, rainy days, banana pancakes, an amazing swing dance and most of all ... coffee. I hear your name in different circles and it always manages to bring a smile to my face. But I need to move on. It's for my own good. I know that I will probably never be FULLY free of you. You will always be in the back of my mind.

But I'm done with holding onto a ghost, this idea of you. The idea of you and me, and idea that is completely imaginary.

I've talked a lot to Him about this mess. I know He is probably tired of hearing it. But I feel as if He is asking me to move on as well. I know that the result of this will be freedom. I get to free my mind of you and be content with where I am at.

I know God has so many plans for me. I can't wait to grab a hold of His hand and go down the roads less traveled.

Like an excited child, I'm looking up at my Father with sparkling eyes asking,
"Where are we going daddy?"